No One Needs to be Whipped by a Mensa

I just joined a new book club. My brother’s girlfriend’s book club actually. My old book club involved much discussion of bird watching while sharing a bottle of wine. That’s one bottle. Six women. Do the math. Not nearly enough wine to be regaled with tales of rare birds hiding in tall grass. My brother’s girlfriend, Deidre, promised me that her book club would be much more exciting. More of a wine & gossip club with an occasional book and no bird watching. The book for my first meeting? Whip Smart: A Memoir. A memoir, to be precise, of a college student turned professional dominatrix. Wow, Deidre wasn’t kidding, her book club was exciting!

Whip Smart started off pretty exciting as well, full of titillating stories of women in leather and stilettos brandishing whips over adoring men and the joys of shooting heroin. The intermingling of sex stories with tales of drug binges and memories from the author’s youth kept the book quick and interesting through the first half. Occasionally, the author, Melissa, seemed a bit into herself but I was so distracted by the constant discussion of the different “showers” (golden, brown, red, who knew? And, btw, yuck!) that I didn’t pay much attention. Even more fascinating than the dominatrix acts, were her effusive descriptions of the highs she experienced during her binges. It was obvious that she really loved her cocaine & heroin. She made the drugs sound so enticing, if she wasn’t busy as a domme she certainly could have made a killing as a dealer.

If Melissa had concentrated the book on her struggle to give up the drugs she found so rapturous this might be a very different book review. However, after the first 100 pages, Melissa decided to center the book on her own cleverness. Her outstanding skills as a domme, her unique talent as a seductress, her uncanny ability to keep everyone in the dark regarding her drug use, the list of amazing things about Melissa was amazing. She was so impressed with her own intelligence it became impossible to believe her story. The only thing I really believed was that Melissa was most certainly a pompous ass. She described herself as the type of person who liked to make one good friend and spend all of her time with this best friend until it was time to move onto a new best friend. After completing the book, I am sure her friends were much more tired of her than she of them. I know I was!!

Overall, Whip Smart was a miss. The book club, however, I’ll keep.