REVIEW: Surrogates

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Look Bruce Willis has made some of my favorite movies of the past 20 years. No one can really challenge the good movies on his resume… except my brother, but he’s dumb.

Surrogates is a bad movie. It’s boring. It’s humorless. It’s heavy handed in its commentary. It’s just not fun. I want better for Bruce Willis. I’d rather see another Whole 9 Yards sequel than him make another film this uninspired.

The basic premise is that technology that was invented to help people who are confined to wheel chairs or maybe to fight wars without losing American lives has been subverted to allow people to live artificial lives through robots. Fat dudes can control hot chick bodies and have relationships with other dudes and no one can tell the difference. Old people can run around in bodies that look decades younger and they do. People are living through their surrogates nearly 24 hours a day. They NEVER leave the house anymore. It’s like life only better. And if I remember correctly this evolution of human existence is supposed to happen within fifteen years. One of the key results of the emergence of surrogates, however, is that murder no longer exists.

There are small groups of humans who hate the idea of surrogates and live in reservations throughout the country that for some reason the government has no jurisdiction over. They’re led by a dude called the Prophet. Isn’t that a cool name? Too bad he’s in the film like all of three minutes…

Bruce Willis plays an FBI agent who misses having a human relationship with his wife who lives completely through her surrogate. Turns out something bad happened to them in the pre-surrogate era. Willis of course ends up investigating the first homicide in years and then a bunch of dumb stuff happens. Guns are shot. A helicopter crashes. People are betrayed. Nothing is as it seems. It’s all so shocking in its unoriginality.

The ending of the film is inexcusably convenient and undermines the entire conflict of the film.

Credit where credit is due, there is one visually interesting scene near the end of the movie, but of course it was spoiled in the commercials. Though to be honest, I’m not sure other people thought it was as cool looking as I did. There was A LOT of laughter in the theater during the scene and yet… no jokes. At the end of the flick a few people clapped and they were laughed at by the rest of the crowd. So someone somewhere did like it. But they’re probably dumb… like my brother.