After looking at our visitor logs over the last year, I feel I have to do something about a group of states that never visit. You know who you are…well, you really don’t know who you are, do you…

Vermont…I actually like Vermont.  I had the pleasure of visiting in January once and remember it being impossibly cold. I didn’t mind it so much after seeing there were boats actually frozen into Lake Champlain. That’s really fascinating to me for some reason. I was even told there’s a ferry of some sort that goes between Burlington and New York that’s an ice breaker! How cool is that?

I’ve been as far North as St. Albans but never had the pleasure of seeing the actual town of Podunk, Satan’s Kingdom, or your very own lake monster, Champ. The UVM area seemed like a really nice place to go to school, but I would have withered and died in a place like that. Skiing for my degree just wouldn’t have been my scene. Credit is deserved for giving us Newhart, Ben and Jerry’s, and being the original home to Chester A. Arthur and his epic sideburns. Your faux French name also scores you some points, but nearly every time I’ve typed it today it initially came out “Vermin.”

Your ongoing battles with Bigfoot are always amusing, but I hear some of your citizens want to secede from the United States. I can’t get behind that. You have the smallest largest city in any of the 50 states and are second least populated, so I realize there aren’t that many Vermonters, but you should join the rest of this great nation and visit our site.

Image courtesy of Greenwich Mean Time.com.
Frozen vessel image by CArthur.

Other states that never stop by: Utah, Nebraska, Maine

After looking at our visitor logs over the last year, I feel I have to do something about a group of states that never visit. You know who you are…well, you really don’t know who you are, do you…

Maine…monosyllabic Maine. No one’s even sure what you’re named for.

I once walked into Maine, but I didn’t get very far and I think I only stayed for lunch. It was really just for the novelty of being able to walk out of New Hampshire (I’ll get to you soon enough).

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that not many people from Maine visit since it’s apparent that there are way more trees than people up there, and trees don’t get the internet.  Maine has the lowest population density East of the Mississippi, and it really doesn’t get more East than Maine.

In doing a background check on Maine, the thing that struck me was that every city I could name was more famous for being somewhere else.  The capital, Augusta, Portland, Belfast and of course Norway are all conspicuously borrowed. I thought Bangor was original and then Angie pointed out to me there was a Bangor, PA. I have to hand it to them for a place like Beans Corner Bingo, that you’re unlikely to find anywhere else.

A number of movies and TV shows seem to be set in Maine, but The Cider House Rules, The Shawshank Redemption and  Murder She Wrote don’t really inspire me to visit. The Iron Giant, Dark Shadows (Angelique is named after a witch on that show), and Casper the Friendly Ghost are a different story entirely.

A lot of fun things have come from Maine; like Maine Coons, Moxie, Milton Bradley, and Matt Stairs, so maybe it’s not so bad. On second thought, Moxie is terrible.

I hear you’re beautiful Maine, and I’m sure I’ll be back. Just keep in mind that our site looks pretty nice too. So ignore all the mountains and Canada and look over here, Mainers, Mainards, Manians, or whatever you call yourselves, we get plenty of visitors from the other Portland.

Image courtesy of Greenwich Mean Time.com.
Moxie image by JoeShlabotnik/ / CC BY 2.0

Other states that never stop by: Utah, Nebraska

After looking at our visitor logs over the last year, I feel I have to do something about a group of states that never visit. You know who you are…well, you really don’t know who you are, do you…

Nebraska, when we flew over you last week the pilot said there would be turbulence. At least your air space is mildly exciting. We descended to avoid it, so I may have been closer to you than ever before.

While I’ve never been on the ground in Nebraska, driving through was once described to me as a being on a ribbon of concrete with nothing on either side, and a dip around Omaha.

I know Nebraska has big college sports teams, but I know little to nothing about college sports. There are just so many conferences with seemingly no organization, featuring teams I could never possibly be interested in…like Nebraska. It also doesn’t help that you’re triple land-locked, and have a Republican River (in the interest of equal time, I wouldn’t visit Jackass Flats, AZ either).

And really, Worms, Nebraska? How exactly does a town get such a name?

I do love Abe Lincoln though, so I’ll give you respect for that. Illinois gets more though because a state motto trumps a capital any day.  So Nebraskans, put off your Arbor Day planning, drink the Kool-Aid, and pay us a visit.

Image courtesy of Greenwich Mean Time.com.
Worms image by Aggtastic.

Other states that never stop by: Utah, Maine

After looking at our visitor logs over the last year, I feel I have to do something about a group of states that never visit. You know who you are…well, you really don’t know who you are, do you…

Disclaimer: Before I begin, you should know that we did have a visitor from Utah just last week. However, I had already begun my “research” and wasn’t going to allow this lone visitor to take an installment away from me. Instead they were moved to the top of the list despite being eighth alphabetically.  Also, Angie explained to me that Utah spelled backward is “sneeze” while falling asleep last night.

I’ve never visited the state of Utah, because I’ve never really had a reason to. I have every intention of visiting all 50 states before I’m done, but to date Utah has not been prioritized. Maybe this is why Utahns don’t visit MLD. Are they not visiting us because Jerry Sloan’s Jazz are neither bad nor good enough this season to be worthy of note? Sure they smashed the Sixers already this season, but so have 20 other teams.

Outside of the NBA, the only time Utah even comes to mind is when I’m listening to the The Dwarves or Angie’s watching Big Love. I suppose Point Break might bring it to mind, and I recall Utah Saints being popular in the raver community circa 1992, but how often does any of that come up?

Utah, I know you have towns with great names like Dirty Devil River and Cactus Rat Mine, but outside of Salt Lake City there’s just a whole lot of peoplelessness.  So I beckon you, people of the mountain, don’t let that low population density keep us apart. Put down your snowboarding video games and waste your time on us.  We can even talk about Roseanne Barr and James Woods if you like.

Image courtesy of Greenwich Mean Time.com.

Other states that never stop by: Nebraska, Maine